Have you ever avoided a conversation because
the thought of giving the feedback and the possible response from the
person was enough to make your stomach knot in fear? When you knew you
should say something… but you just didnt know how?
This is the time to dust off your feedback skills and grab a bite of courage before saying what you need to say.
One of the things I truly believe is that silence
is never golden when comes to this stuff. If you ignore poor
performance in your team as a way of trying to keep the peace, you only
end up pushing the problem deeper. You embed the poor performance, which
then perpetuates and trickles out to other team members.
Can I Have Another Draft?
Theres a couple of ways you can tackle these hard conversations. The
first comes from a colleague, Phill Boas. Phills view of the world is
that with writing, we always get a couple of drafts, and yet when we
speak we somehow expect that our words are perfect first time every
time.
Phill suggests that we set up the frame with our team that its OK to
say “You know what – that came out wrong. Can I have a second draft of
that conversation”? The trick is to have that conversation before things
are difficult – you then have a way of taking pressure off yourself
when you need to say something challenging. You can always ask for a
second draft if your first attempt comes out not quite as smoothly as
you would like.
Specific vs General
Another way is by choosing whether you are going to be specific or general with your feedback. Theres some research
that says that people deal best with negative feedback if it is
specific to a task and with positive feedback if it relates to a project
or general skills or approaches.
People find it
easier to look at the specific negatives as they relate to the task and
not feel as bad about themselves as a person. If you are praising, then
generalising your praise helps to boost self-esteem as they apply the
generalities to themselves as a person.
What Do You Want to Say?
You can always take some time to plan logically what you want to say before you say it. Have a think about:
- The key points you want to get across.
- The number 1 thing you want the person to do better or differently and if you saw them doing it differently, what would you see?
- The action you want them to take as a result of your communication?
- What may prevent them from understanding the message the way you meant it?
- What questions you can ask to ensure that they understand what you have asked or said?
- How are you going to say what you need to say (tone of voice, gestures etc)?
Planning what you are going to say in tough conversations is a key strategy
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